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    Thread: Little Johnny Jokes

    1. #1
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      Default Little Johnny Jokes

      BEAVER

      Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, “Whats that?” She says, “Well, it's a beaver, Johnny.”
      The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says, “Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out.”

    2. #2
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      JONNY HUMPER HARDER

      There was this little boy who had no name. One day he went outside and heard someone say Jonny. He then tells his mother his first name would be Jonny. The second day he goes outside and hears the name Humper. So, he tells his mother his middle name was going to be Humper. The third day, Jonny goes out and hears the name Harder. Then, he tells his mother his full name shall be Jonny Humper Harder. Jonny goes out one day with handful of cookies. He sees this girl around his age and asks her if she would be willing to take off her shirt for a cookie. The little girls says that she would take off all her close for all of Jonny's cookIes. Jonny gives her the cookies and the girl takes off all her clothes. Hours later, the towns people all run up to them in the middle of the street and they cry,'' JONNY HUMPER HARDER''!!! Little Jonny yells,'' I'M TRYING, I'M TRYING!!!'''

    3. #3
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      A LESSON IN GOVERNMENT

      A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.
      When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.
      His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''
      ''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.
      ''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.
      ''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!''

    4. #4
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      LITTLE JOHNNY... FINDING JESUS

      A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

      Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."

      Mary answers, "He's in my heart."

      Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"

      The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.

      "Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"

    5. #5
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      LITTLE JOHNNY... GEOMETRY

      Teacher: "Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, 'geometry.'"

      Little Johnny: "A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, 'Gee, I'm a tree.'"

    6. #6
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      LITTLE JOHNNY'S "BOOKISH" FATHER

      Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling.
      She explained, "I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he was here today."
      The first student raised her hand to volunteer.
      "Marcy," the teacher said. "You may go first."
      Marcy replied, "My father is a banker. B-A-N-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a shiny new penny."
      The teacher said, "Very nice, Marcy, who wants to go next?"
      Kevin stood up and announced, "My father is a baker. B-A-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a freshly-baked cookie."
      "Very good," the teacher told Kevin.
      Jeff was next, and he said, "My father is an accountant. A-K, no wait, A-C-K, no..."
      Before he could attempt to spell it once more, the teacher cut him off and told him to sit back down and to think about it for a while. When he thought he knew how to spell it, he could stand back up and try again.
      Little Johnny raised his hand in excitement hoping to be acknowledged by the teacher. The teacher called on little Johnny to go next.
      Johnny said, "My father is a bookie. B-O-O-K-I-E and if he was here today, he would give us all 20:1 odds Jeff will never be able to spell "accountant."

    7. #7
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      Default

      LITTLE JOHNNY... DEFINITE DEFINITION

      The preschool teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"

      Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!"

      The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence?

      Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue."

      "That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white."

      Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green."

      The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too."

      Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, "Do farts have lumps in them?"

      The teacher says, "No Johnny, why do you ask that?"

      Little Johnny replies, "Well, I definitely sh*t my pants."

    8. #8
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      LITTLE JOHNNY... KNOW IT ALL

      Little Johnny asks his mother her age.

      She replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

      Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.

      Again his mother replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

      The boy then asks, "Why did Daddy leave you?"

      To this, the mother says, "You shouldn't ask that," and sends him to his room.

      On the way, Johnny trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out.

      Johnny runs back into the room. "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and Daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!"

    9. #9
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      LITTLE JOHNNY... FASCINATE

      A teacher asks her students to give her a sentence with the word "fascinate" in it. A little girl says, "Walt Disney World is fascinating."

      The teacher says, "No, I said, 'fascinate.'"

      Another little girl says, "There's so much fascination when it comes to sea life."

      The teacher again says, "No, the word is fascinate."

      Little Johnny yells from the back of the room, "My mom has such big boobs that she can only fasten eight of the 10 buttons on her shirt."

    10. #10
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      LITTLE JOHNNY AND GOD

      One day little Johnny was walking up a hill pulling his red wagon behind him saying,"Fuck this," "Fuck that."
      The town priest hears this and walks up to Johnny and says,"You shouldn't swear like that, Johnny. God is all around us."
      "Is he in the sky?" asks Johnny.
      "Yes," says the priest.
      "Is he in that bush over there?" asks Johnny.
      "Yes," says the priest."
      Is he in my wagon?" asked Johnny.
      "Yes," says the priest.
      "Well tell him to get the fuck out and push!!!"

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